If you knew how many times I thought of you. Daily. I’d be diagnosed OCD or insane. I have no right. No reasoning. Why is it that our bodies react like this? Answer: to propagate but even after propagation age, then what. I have to stop. It’s an addiction similar to cocaine. I get the high and then I get the low and what I want after the low? How do people relate when they’ve never done something like cocaine maybe gambling? Money, fame? I DK the problem is I have a problem. I want some thing I can’t have and in reality I wouldn’t really want. And like Jim told me recently who would want a sixty year old. Kind of a shitty thing to say. In my thoughts you’re in my thoughts. When I think about somebody wanting to hear what I have to say or getting excited about what I want to do or just any kind of adventure… I can’t even put it for fear that my husband will read this and he will be furious. Am I willing to lose friendships over this one feeble flawed not so attractive man? God help me. Jim has a huge set of great qualities but any of you have been married over 30 years well I shouldn’t really complain. I really have everything. I am spoiled. Very spoiled. I do want at all, don’t you? When I think of you, do you think of me. When I’m looking at you do you know that I’m looking. Yes I do see you. Yes I do hear you. Even far away. Why has this never happened? Why is it happening now? Why am asking so many fucking questions?
