Christmas Morn 2010

I know today is going to be a busy, noisy day with so many people, about 20 family members in my sisters home. Knowing the mix, there is probably going to be tension at least, little spats at most. I can choose how my day can be and how I will react in advance, If no reason except a self-centered desire to have peace in me. I can smile and let it roll off, giving grAce, justify it, think what their motives and thoughts may be. Let my life be full of your fruits I get to share because of your spirit in me (gal 5:22) I can ask them a question in response to their question or comment. Don't be easily offended, turn the irritant into a discussion as to why this topic is important. Really, all this won't matter the next day, let alone 5 years from now. Lord, let me be a shining light, show me your way, help me to lead by example, take opportunities to teach our children how to react like Jesus. Got to learn how to do this in easy situations so you can stand firm in harder. Reminds me of Luke 16:10   “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much....". Including pressure and hurtful words and actions from those who should love and want the best for us.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta said "We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love." Choose love and peace today with your family. Thank you God for Jesus and your holy spirit in our lives.

Artist's Way

I've never read Artist's Way, just know of the basic technique of making my life more free and creative.   The first technique is to write down three hand-written pages of whatever pops into your mind first thing in the morning, morning pages.  Sometime I just write when frustrated or drunk, just dumping all thoughts, feelings, to do lists on a napkin just to get that pack of junk off my back.  Sometime pray to God to take the junk or thank Jesus for taking on all the junk.  That's what most of those dumpings and rants are.  I'm mad at someone or something, tainted fish for example, or bad gossip and I know what I should do, forgive and move on, decide to take action or take a stand or at least let my opionion on the matter come out somewhere or just let it go.   I say something really bothers me and is really wrong, but not doing anything to help solve the problem just is frustrating.   I do have enough problems of my own, but nowhere near the ones that are truely wrong and evil: human slavery, civil war conditions, esp for women and children in places like the Congo or Somalia.   For now, just dump and pray. 

I Want to be challenged

Vacations without a challenge can be boring.  I want something to challenge me, or I want to challenge myself.  This week in Durango, I thoroughly enjoyed riding 5 miles downhill, just not so much the 5 miles uphill.  Hiking the Purgatory Flats Trail, another challenge.  The best challenge was a cabin mate who is not a Christian.  For some unknown reason he said "Christian's are not wanted around the world."  Whoa, what?  They are very much wanted and helpful.  Then he went on about the amount of troubles and deaths caused by the inquisition.  I thought, hmmm, interesting, I'm not usually having a conversation like this.  That's ok, Let your words and wisdom flow through me, Lord.  Be Kind and Compassionate.  I love this person, I want this person to listen and be changed. I want all their pain, suffering, anger to be taken by Jesus, all sins forgiven, freedom...It just takes the ABC's. Admit, Believe, Commit.  But what did I say..."My God is a God of the future and of Hope. Those people are bad representatives".  Saying things like "all you Christians" is really unfair.  Then I said "even though I may not convert you tong

Free Gift: Hope for the Future

What me, worry? I have done lots of that, never bought me another day on earth.   I want to journal some of my favorite verses. I like to know other people's and what they mean to them.
This one came up in a deep conversation with a friend whose child and boyfried are going through very serious health issues and the friend is has a big set of problems.  Why should anyone have a hope for the future when our present life may be very hard, uncertain, filled with pain, dispair, poverty.  In my hardest times, even before being a professing Christian, I had and acknowledge that God is the one who gave me his promises, fruits of the spirit, for this verse especially a life plan and  hope for the future. God's provisions got me through times like divorce, moving, fights, attacks, being fired, bouncing checks, health scares, helping others, more resently long-time partner and friend embezzling.

So how do I know for sure God has a plan and gives me hope.  Seen it in action, look back and think of all the times I was like film " developed in the dark".  Not only survive these events, but come out with more wisdom, strength, feeling at peace with the direction I let God lead me.  Not to say I still don't make many of my own decisons, and have many times not relied, believed, trusted what God wants me to do. 
I've had clear dreams and clear messages, but in many ways, esp. continuing to do what I do....Through it all, I know God created and loves me and is the awesome power that gives me hope.

Jerimiah 28:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.

Thief, Liar, Embezz, delusional ....Love them

I'm mad and frustrated about someone who is not complying with a lawsuit judgement.  This makes me feel better to write my response, no I didn't send it. 

You had many other choices on how to pay this debt. Could have paid in partial over 11 months, give us a client you took, give us your boat, your wine, your extra car, your pro team seat options, tickets, you could have signed over a/r.... I'm sure you don't have money when you live in a $400k house, with 2 nice cars, eat out regularly, a boat, proteam seats, vacations and have to pay for our ex-employee to additionally steal from us.

You have the tax estimate from a highly qualified and highly moral cpa. Timeline is the same timeline for all businesses, you idiot. Numbers changed because you screwed up the books so badly before you left, the documents you are looking at are a fairy tail. Talk about numbers not jiving!! Between you and an immoral bookkeeper we trusted with everything, we got to learn the hard way to not trust 1 person fully. We got to learn what evilness presents itself through greedy, boostful, justifying people. We paid our share of late and interest penalties and we still are paying interest on the loans you took out to spend on your greedy self, fill that emptiness, that ego. You DO know that things were "Your way" for nearly 5 years....but you are so delusional, you really don't think this is and was such a problem you created IN FULL. You deserve jailtime for your 2 felonies and 5 years of IRS audits, but yet you walked away not paying us a dime, and was able to start and keep running a business with all the clients you lied to, or clients who stayed because you paid for prostitutes and extravegant meals.

Overall, I want to apply Matthew 5:42 Love your Enemy. Also want to hurt him. I want him to say "wow, you've shown so much grace, because of this I want to change my life, Thanks"...now who is delusional?
I can see myself fully forgiving, but gotta let God change me to want to LOVE.

I may not agree with what you're saying.....

A couple of reasons I want to defend free speech: 1. Saw an enlightening documentary on the plight of the citizens and press in Burma. read more here: http://loinsbongo.blog.co.uk/2009/04/17/burma-vj-taking-liberties-ian-tomlinson-g20-5963351/

2. My school district decided to interpret a STATE OF TEXAS freedom of speech LAW in a very restrictive way that is illegal.  So now what, I sue? Don't have that much money and clout nor inscensed enough to spend the money I do have on it. But I can confront the school district's board and point out parts of the law they decided to squash.   Will be meeting again this week.  When defining why this was important, I could go way back to childhood in the 60's, or better, women's rights.  Problem I have is that I want 1st amendment expression freedoms, but to a point.  Can someone stand on top of a builiding with loud speaker to speak his mind....well, yes, but please not nude, be between 8 am and 10 pm, etc.  Goes back to "Must have rules inorder to have equal freedoms".


from http://www.firstamendmentcenter.org/about.aspx?item=about_firstamd
..."Most people believe in the right to free speech, but debate whether it should cover flag-burning, hard-core rap and heavy-metal lyrics, tobacco advertising, hate speech, pornography, nude dancing, solicitation and various forms of symbolic speech. Many would agree to limiting some forms of free expression, as seen in the First Amendment Center's State of the First Amendment survey reports.


Most people, at some level, recognize the necessity of religious liberty and toleration, but some balk when a religious tenet of a minority religion conflicts with a generally applicable law or with their own religious faith. Many Americans see the need to separate the state from the church to some extent, but decry the banning of school-sponsored prayer from public schools and the removal of the Ten Commandments from public buildings.

Further, courts wrestle daily with First Amendment controversies and constitutional clashes, as evidenced by the free-press vs. fair-trial debate and the dilemma of First Amendment liberty principles vs. the equality values of the 14th Amendment.

Such difficulties are the price of freedom of speech and religion in a tolerant, open society."

Stop Consuming

I dare you...I DARE ME....STOP consuming. Not air, water, basic food, simple shelter, YOU know what I mean. Try 1 day. I did. I like lots of really clean water, hot water, love being able to go to a doctor or dentist for anything easily, really care for air conditioning, heat, t.v., radio, easy transportation, eating out, . I like each of our kids having a room, ....
What if I just stopped. First, had a difficult time just not spending money. already have most all resources paid monthly, and most all draw from our bank account. So at first I limited my goal to just cash out of pocket. Being a Dave Ramsey fan and before just used common sense, we've never have alot we pay for with cash. Mostly food and kid stuff.


I want to jump off the rat race
http://www.simondale.net/house/family.htm


"The time is now to make changes in our lifestyles and consumption. "

Live YOUR life

June 13, 2010
How to Live: Follow Your Heart, Risk Be Damned
Ben Stein Says Happiness Comes to Those Who Pursue Careers That Define Their Passions
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Ben Stein says to those about to embark on a career: Listen to your heart, not others'.  (CBS)
STORIES
Oh, No, It's College Acceptance Letter Time!
(CBS)  As the college class of 2010 heads out into the world, take a moment to hear the advice of our contributor Ben Stein:


It is graduation time for you young people. That means time to make some decisions and take some action about your lives. I would like to offer you some deep thoughts at this season.

A few days ago, I asked my shrink, a super-smart guy, how he would generally divide up the people who were happy in life from those who were not.

He answered like a shot.

The unhappy ones, he said, are people who let their parents or their family talk them into doing something for a career that wasn't really them. They are people who wanted to be writers or performers, and decided instead to take the cautious route and go to accountancy school or law school or dental school.

Now, he said, they are well into their middle age and they make a decent living, but they just don't like what they do.

What they do, you might say, is not them. It is not who they are or who they wanted to be. It's too late for most of them to try to change, and they haven't built up a lifetime of experience and contacts in the field they want to be in.

So, he said, "they just come in to my office and complain."

"And what about the happy ones?" I asked him. "What did they do?"

My shrink answered that, again, like a shot.

"They made a decision to live," he said, and those were his exact words.

They decided to do what their hearts told them to do, to do what was in them to do. They took risks and they took chances, and they tried a lot of different things until they got to where they wanted to be.

This very often means working incredibly hard and living on the edge. But it gets you to where you can look back on your life and say it wasn't wasted.

I left the doctor's office with my brain on fire. His advice is spectacular.

Unless you are born rich - or even if you are - you have to earn your keep, that is for sure. But to decide to live - that makes a lot of difference in this difficult world.

That's it. Choose to live a life you want to live, not one that's safe or what someone else thinks you should do.

Decide to live.

© MMX, CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Interpretations of modern day life

My moms "I'm bored" meant Radio, jump rope and games. My bored was 3 black/white channels, dirt bikes, military pools. My children's bored is ... Well you know. "there's nothing to eat/wear" has gone from literally nothing to peanut butter and spam to 2 freezers and a stocked pantry of premade food. Count your blessing and quit being whineybabies.

REVOLT, REVOLUtion, R -love - UTION

Revolution. Stop being your old self. Invest in your future, don't gamble. Choose love, choose to have right thinking with no worry, anxiety. Keep out the thinking that destroys: jealousy petty things, thinking that I can figure it out, boasting, run the show.
I want peace freedom. Love lack of jealousy. Put off your old self, put on new nature of God. Ephesians 4:22-24

Connect.

Connection. Want some more, always have. Need more, but too fast too much for many. And am confused why, when put in a place where strangers great each other like long-time friends, I feel they are invading my space. "Outliers" did study of a small town finding that connections in community was the secret fountain of youth. I want to move there, be loved and accepted no matter if they know the real me.

Other Life Probable

Why I believe there is intelligent life outside our solar system:
Eyewitness accounts from solid sources, like police, EMS types. Next is the probablity of it being true. There is a God that created the universe, created us on this planet and created billions and billions of other planets (reference Carl Segan). From universetoday.com the " Milky Way galaxy seems to contain about 200 billion stars; ...galaxies, on average have between 100 billion and 1 trillion numbers of stars. Now, how many galaxies are there? Astronomers estimate that there are approximately 100 billion to 1 trillion galaxies in the Universe. So if you multiply those two numbers together, you get between 10 to the 22nd power and 10 to the 24th power stars in the Universe. How many stars? There are between 10 sextillion and 1 septillion stars in the Universe." 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars, then how many planets? Just because we can only see with our eye 5000-10000 plus the glow of other galaxies doesn't mean they don't exsist. Have faith - believe in what you can't see. When an expert tells me so, or a prophet, I can and do have some doubt, usually mull around to see if UNPROVABLE, then put stock in their opinion. Other life out there? Highly probable. Help listen: support SETI and the Allen Telescope Array (hundreds of parabolic antennas are interconnected, the most powerful and advanced radio telescope yet dedicated to searching for life on other planets.)

Nazi dude

Saw Nazi dude last night. He looked and acted very different than before. Not dressed in nazi costume with small mustach, black boots, short hair, baby-blue contacts. No Heil Hitler. THANK GOD. First thought is he Must be on his meds. Next, hope he doesn't recognize me and want to sit and visit or cause a scene. He was dressed and acted normal....that should be good, to fit in, right? One friend was wanting to know him better in his Nazi state. Myself and another friend totally disagreed, for me, it is that Hitler represents and was pure evil, killing for no sane reason, no remorse, just EVIL. So why would I spend one second with an evil person. I started praying for him as he talk at me, getting more agitated that we and others were rejecting him. "God forgive him, lead him to know you, change him" I repeated silently. God can and does overcome evil, and mental illness, and people who are needing love and attention. All this and more available free for the asking. Ask for Jesus to change you now.

Love SHOULD Know NO bounds

The love we can have/give/experience is not divisible, layerable, nor on/off. I don't like trying to limit or lable my love. Terms like "a piece of my heart" or "only enough room for so much love". If I had 1000 kids, I'd love them all. Showing love through time, eye contact, hugs would be difficult, but my heart can have love for all.
I understand that love can be had even in the worst of times, even right after a tragedy. A woman's husband just died a year ago, she's now in love. I'm happy for her, others judge her. I say you can still love your husband and fall in love with someone else. Some people heal from grief faster than others. He's dead. Can't spend time with him, sleep with him. Why not fall in love? May be a lack of respect for those alive who think you should stay grieving for a certain time.
I also know that I can love people and not like them, learned this one growing up in a disfunctional family. Could I have a huge fight with a boyfriend and never see again and still love, yep, just not the same as it use to be. Like clouds, they evolve without visible bounds. Too bad I still put some bounds on it, I hope to release those.

Just Do-Rag-it

My good friend called and was very sad. Her teen son has a brain tumor that has started to grow again. He's had specific radiation, but now he is weak and his hair is falling out. We cried, we prayed, we started talking about how he doesn't want to wear a ball cap. And then I got an idea. What if we have him start a business selling what he'd wear, a do-rag with some mark of brain tumor support, a grey ribbon. He could do this via a laptop and a phone. Starting a business is exciting, gives us hope, something positive to focus on, a way to help other teens, can sell at the brain tumor conference. Hope: can't imagine living without it. If was living, it would seem flavorless. Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Renew with new view

Just words. Art with nothing else but the words "just words". I don't get it and why should there be more meaning beyond it's nice look at and enjoy. Beautiful art I think I'll recreate but it just seems easy. I'd really like to make those photos that change when you change your view. Everything can change when you change your view. For me it is getting out of my normal routine, a different place, a refreshing person. Springtime helps motivate me too. So outside I go, plant something clean, maybe put up the Christmas decorations.

It's Beyond My Control

"It's beyond my control" whispered from John Malcovich in Dangerous Liasons as a way he circumvents his romantic obligations, women who want a piece of him. He used that as an excuse, when truely it is reality for our lives. We can't control a whole lot. We can decide what we eat, wear, when we sleep, what we do and say, who I am around, who I help....but what about all the unknowns? I got to let them go or I'd be more anxious about so much that is out of my hands. Driving around wild drivers, hearing about mystery diseases, freak accidents, bankruptcy. More frustrating is THINKING I have any control, trying to control, and really all for nought. Business sales is sorta that way, even though, like a Sims game, I think we can make decisions and take steps to increase them. I have to let God be in control, Jesus take the wheel, or a fav motto of mine "Let Go, Let God". I gotta let go of the control or else. Like helping a kid ride a bike, I have to take some steps to get things rolling, then stand back, try not to worry. If I truely had full faith in a omnipotent God, then I would spend more time getting connected and listening more to His directions. Maybe the things I do want to control, it's because I got messages from God to control them. Lord, help me let go and let God rule, fill in Serenity prayer here.

Trusts/Loves

It's fun creating and building something new. Now let's see if I keep up with this. I've wanted diary for a while now, but prefer it to be anonymous for the time. Last time I kept a paper diary was in 1977, but then a boyfriend who used our hard earned money to buy blow blew the blow then read my diaries, then blew up at me. That is when I exited fast from that old life to a new life. Very apt subject for Easter 2010. So a diary along with all other words mean something more than just a listing of what happened, what happens. I want to do an "Artist's Way" kinda thing, just write what pops up, especially when just waking up. Pray and meditate in a half awake mode, let God flow, let my brain work things out, let me vent. Words like trust, love, integrity, choice, freedom, truth, honesty, caring, build, create, and made up words like TRUV. If I had or when I do have a tattoo, it will have 2 words: TRUV and Freedom. Truv is something I made up because I can't have love without trust, I don't want to. It's too much disharmony. I can forgive and learn to trust, but the two feelings are so entwined in my heart and past that it is hard for me to love and not trust or trust and not love. Words bound what we feel and would like to say, so make up some. Other languages have one word for something that takes us several to describe. Well, here's to truving my husband, kids, family, friends, ...how about everyone, even my enemies.